Finding

something i really excel in.
i'm quite okay in clarinet, but everybody can reach this standard (with a lot of practices) and it's really demoralising when you realised, you are not as good as you think. (well of course, i'm forever demoralised when i'm playing with many other good players, not trying to compare with them, but yeah, i feel the difference T.T ) of course, i don't think i'm really good, but yeah at least i'm about there, but there's a lot of rooms for improvement to get to higher standard, probably professional (still a long way man) and as amateur player, there's also a lot of improvement to be made. (sigh)
Sometimes, i feel that people think i'm a bit high up and quite… in a sense snobbish perhaps? but honestly, i'm quite a negative person. so yeah, i wouldn't ever think highly of myself. like really.
But i can be critical towards some things that should be corrected and feel extremely Pek chek if something obvious (and common sense) went wrong.
and of course, attitude of people, so yeah, i think i'm quite judgemental sometimes, but who don't judge? everybody judges, tht's for sure.

Even though i attend a lot of rehearsals, i think that i sound so suckish still, sigh. unfortunately.
i know i cannot be too impatient, these are all need time, so just in the same amount of time to improve and wait for something to happen in the future….?
My self-practice isn't enough too, sigh. The reason why i'm so busy might be because, i'm bad at managing time.
But shit, i have too much things in my hand, sometimes it stacked over (like after MD, i have to prepare Grade 5 exam, SWSY beautiful sunday…. then after that, year 2 will be so busyyy)
sigh, and work too.
Everytime i feel like quitting my work. but after a few days, i stopped this ridiculous thinking cos' if i stopped, i wouldn't have extra pocket money to pay bill etc, and my tuition fees (clarinet). i really hate to say, sometimes reality is that cruel.
and plus the pressure of working there, imagine you're working with your mum, although it seems good, but every time she cannot work (for some days, i can't work due to sch), i need to fill in for her, my own schedule will be screwed up like hell. (not that i'm blaming her, but sometimes, i super dislike when she suddenly say (like when my cousins come here zzz) she can't work for whole day, freak i need work almost and if got band / lesson, rush to band, my body almost can't take it. zz)

sometimes, i just wish money can drop from the sky, okay dream on this wun ever happen.
if it happen, i must be dead.

But i think tht's the life of the student working. i cannot rant too much.
and at the same time, trying to be ambitious to cope with playing music.
if one day has 48 hours, tht will be better.

Shall end here.
enough of my rants.
Finding, i'm still finding.
what i am really good in.

__________
SPSB having concert on 19 Jan 2014, 5pm @ esplanade! Ticket selling at $15, please contact me @iamQINYANN / WA (if got hp) me for tickets! 
Do come and support us! :) esp for those who are interested to come SP (band members) and join the band too~ 
More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/215904761912455/?fref=ts