From yesterday, after i practice clarinet, then stomach pain, keep on going to toilet but then it doesn't seems to be useful.
My father said i got food poisoning because of i ate the chocolate ( don't know is it expiry anot leh! -.- but that chocolate just brought 2 weeks ago.)
My mum said cos' my body too warm then didn't drink water blahblahblah~ ( she everytime when i feel sick, she will say i didn't drink enough water~ lol )
Don't know what's wrong with my stomach, -.- midnight i still CAMP in the toilet leh~ ( you know it's joking )
If tomorrow still very pain, i think i wouldn't be going to school (?) but got sectional leh! -.-
Not sure larh, anyway, yesterday afternoon ( which my stomach is ABIT pain, then at the evening suddenly become worse -.- ) , i was reading some lame jokes from random forum. ( Not fans club forum, just some randoms ones which i wouldn't tell.)
Here are the ones:
Two guys went to hell. Guy A asked Guy B "Hey how did you die? I froze to death."
Guy B said "Long story. I realised that my wife was cheating on me, so i followed them into the man's house. However, i made too much noise and the adulterous pair discovered me. The man went into hiding immediately. I searched everywhere a man could possibly hide, but to no avail. I got so anxious i suffered a heart attack and died?"
Guy A (gulp) " Why didn't you search inside the fridge? Then i wouldn't need to die!"
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One day, Mr. Caterpillar decided to hitch a ride to town. As he was standing by the roadside, a family of bees came by in a little car and offered him a ride.
Gratefully, he accepted. After putting along merrily for a few kilometers, the engine sputtered and the car rolled to a halt. Without saying a word, Papa Bee alighted and urinated into the fuel intake. When he turned the starter, the engine started up, much to Mr Caterpillar's amazement!
However, he did not say a word. The car went on for quite some distance before the engine died again. This time, it was Mother Bee who urinated into the fuel intake, and again, the car started up after that. The process was then repeated again for Baby Bee.
By the time the engine died for the fourth time, the little car was only a few kilometers from town. Not wanting to appear unsophisticated, Mr Caterpillar got out of the car without a word, and started opening the fuel cap.
In a flash, Papa Bee got out of the car. "What are you doing?" asked Papa Bee.
"I'm going to piss in the fuel intake, just like you did", said Mr Caterpillar.
"Oh, no", said Papa Bee patiently, "that won't do. This car only runs on Bee Pee (BP)."
________________ Gratefully, he accepted. After putting along merrily for a few kilometers, the engine sputtered and the car rolled to a halt. Without saying a word, Papa Bee alighted and urinated into the fuel intake. When he turned the starter, the engine started up, much to Mr Caterpillar's amazement!
However, he did not say a word. The car went on for quite some distance before the engine died again. This time, it was Mother Bee who urinated into the fuel intake, and again, the car started up after that. The process was then repeated again for Baby Bee.
By the time the engine died for the fourth time, the little car was only a few kilometers from town. Not wanting to appear unsophisticated, Mr Caterpillar got out of the car without a word, and started opening the fuel cap.
In a flash, Papa Bee got out of the car. "What are you doing?" asked Papa Bee.
"I'm going to piss in the fuel intake, just like you did", said Mr Caterpillar.
"Oh, no", said Papa Bee patiently, "that won't do. This car only runs on Bee Pee (BP)."
Tale of 2 Tigers
Long Long time ago, in the Tiger Kingdom lived a pair of siblings. Both were blessed with some gifts.
Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far away.
Sister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything.
They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.
They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far away countries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see.
Sister would listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.
As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with each other.
They knew that it was wrong, but they could not control themselves.
They continued to love each other.
Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother was very sad.
The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip about them.
Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.
To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brother destroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears.
They felt that since they could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts...
Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and was touched by it.
He decided to compose a song for the lovers.
I came across this song and it touched my heart too.
Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
Pao de kuai, pao de kaui
Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai....
Long Long time ago, in the Tiger Kingdom lived a pair of siblings. Both were blessed with some gifts.
Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far away.
Sister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything.
They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.
They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far away countries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see.
Sister would listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.
As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with each other.
They knew that it was wrong, but they could not control themselves.
They continued to love each other.
Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother was very sad.
The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip about them.
Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.
To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brother destroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears.
They felt that since they could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts...
Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and was touched by it.
He decided to compose a song for the lovers.
I came across this song and it touched my heart too.
Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
Pao de kuai, pao de kaui
Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai....
To All Employees:
*Effective January 2006*
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Management
_______
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!
_____________
Super cold and lame i know, but there are more, i wouldn't be able to paste it all on my blog, it's TOO MUCH~!
Okay, end here.
I don't want to be sick because of Food poisoning AGAIN, it's soo 辛苦.
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